A Classroom That Feels Like Ours
“The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.”
— Peggy O'Mara
There is something comforting about a classroom that has a rhythm to it.
Children know where to put their things. They know what happens when they arrive in the morning. They know how the class begins, how materials are shared, where to go when they need help, and what happens when it’s time to move from one activity to another. These routines might look like small things, but over time, they become part of the culture of the classroom.
And that is the important bit: over time.
I’ve just returned from working with a school in New Delhi, India. While meeting the community and preparing my Keynote, “From Values to Action: Building a Culture of Belonging,” I was reminded once again that we cannot build a classroom culture in one morning meeting or create a sense of belonging by putting a few colourful agreements on the wall. Culture is built through turning our values into the things we practise, repeat, and experience together every day.
But there is an important question we can ask ourselves as teachers: How much of that culture are we building with children, rather than simply building for them?
It’s tempting, especially when a new class is finding its feet, to create a list of rules and explain them clearly.
We tell children how we expect them to behave, where they should sit, how they should speak to one another, and what they should do when something goes wrong.
Of course, children need clear boundaries and predictable routines. But what if we also asked them to help shape the way their classroom works?
That’s where Classroom Agreements can become so powerful.
A classroom agreement is not simply a nicer name for a list of rules. The difference is in the ownership.
Rather than simply handing children a finished list of rules, we can ask questions such as, “What helps everyone feel comfortable and safe enough to learn?” or “What do we need from each other to make this a classroom where everyone belongs?”
Suddenly, we are having a different conversation.
Children might suggest listening to one another, giving people a chance to speak, helping someone who is stuck, taking care of shared resources, or making sure nobody is left out. Their ideas become part of the conversation about how the classroom will work.
And that matters because an agreement carries something a rule does not always carry: a sense of ownership.
The children are not simply being told what the adults have decided is important. They are being invited to contribute to the culture they are going to experience every day.
Of course, that does not mean children decide everything. We still have a responsibility to set boundaries, keep children safe, and make decisions when necessary. But there is a big difference between saying, “These are the rules you must follow” and saying, “These are the agreements we are going to work on together.”
One creates compliance. The other can begin to create ownership, responsibility, and respect.
But of course, creating the agreements is only the beginning. The real magic happens when they become part of everyday classroom life.
If we agree that everyone deserves to be heard, we practise listening. If we agree that we look after our shared space, we notice when children are taking care of it. If we agree that everyone belongs, we talk about what that looks like when someone is being left out. And when things go wrong, we can return to the agreement rather than simply reaching for a reprimand.
“Remember what we agreed about making sure everyone gets a turn. What happened there?”
That gives children an opportunity to think about the culture they helped create, rather than simply being reminded that they have broken a rule.
We keep the agreements ALIVE. We notice when the class is living them. We talk about what is working and what needs to change. We model them when things get difficult. We give children opportunities to remind one another respectfully.
That is how an agreement becomes a habit, and how a habit begins to become culture.
Q-Tips: Building Classroom Agreements Together
1. Start with what you want children to experience.
Rather than beginning with a list of behaviours, ask what kind of classroom they want to be part of. What would help them feel safe, included, respected, and ready to learn?
2. Keep the list manageable
Children do not need twenty agreements to remember. Focus on a few meaningful agreements that capture the kind of classroom you want to create together.
3. Use their ideas and their language.
When children recognise their own thinking in the final agreements, they are more likely to see them as something they helped create rather than something imposed on them.
4. Keep coming back to them.
Agreements should not disappear onto a classroom display once they have been written. Revisit them, talk about how things are going, celebrate when the class is living them, and make adjustments when something is no longer working.
5. Let the agreements grow
A classroom is not static. As children and circumstances change, agreements may need to be revisited. Making changes together reinforces the message that this is a shared space and everyone has a part in caring for it.
There will still be difficult mornings. There will be forgotten routines, disagreements, noisy transitions, and days when the agreement about listening seems to have mysteriously disappeared from everyone's memory.
That is part of building culture too.
It’s not about getting children to behave perfectly. It is about creating enough shared experience that, over time, children begin to understand what it means to belong to this particular community and what part they play in making it work.
Because the goal is not simply to have a classroom where children know the agreements.
It is to have a classroom where children can agree, “This is our classroom. I helped make it this way.”
And perhaps that is one of the most powerful things we can give children at the beginning of a school year: not just a routine to follow, but a community they have a hand in building.
I want to leave you with something practical for those conversations.
Small Talk: 101 Conversation Cards for Deeper Connection is now available to order.
If this month's series has reminded you of the value of real conversation, I'd love to share something I created with that in mind designed to spark meaningful, screen-free conversations, these cards help turn ordinary moments into memorable ones.
Because sometimes, all it takes is one good question.
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